WARNING: CLOSE YOUR EYES NOW. I am NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MENTAL SCARRING THIS POST MAY CAUSE!
Authorities today revealed the capture of Khalid Sheikh Muhammad's sister. Intelligence authorities had only heard rumors of the great hairy beast, but until today had never gotten a definitive picture. Apparently they do not watch ABC, because until recently it had been masquerading on a popular women's daytime talk show espousing "9/11 was an inside job" conspiracy theories and generally denigrating America every chance she got. Its a wonder it took so long to figure this out.