Backyard Jungle

Thought I'd share a couple of photos of the our current backyard jungle. I am not at home right now (scroll down - I'm in Utah) so don't blame me for our poor neglected dachshunds current potty plight.

jeez-louise! That dog needs a fedora and whip to go take a dump. I half expect Zaar to play Dr. Livingstone and DJ to go out and try and find him, like the explorer HM Stanley....
All that hunting for a ball...gotta love the dedication (or the stupidity for taking it out into that jungle)

Trials and Travails in what I like to call: A Passage to Ogden

Well folks, after some 18+ months living in Japan, I have returned to the good ole U.S. of A. for what I consider (prior to the trip) to be an imposing three-week "business" trip. Actually, I am doing my Navy Reserve active duty training here in the states, but that is all you need know about that.

And where oh where is this illustrious training being conducted you ask? Why, where else would a Navy training facility be: Ogden, Utah.

Yes, that is right folks. Nary a stream in sight, and the largest body of water being a lake in which nothing could possibly sink. As a Hawaiian might ask: "Wha' betta place?"

The journey began yesterday, about 0830 local time, when my ride to the tiny Misawa City Airport (and its one whopping gate) showed up at the door. It sent the boys into a tizzy, and they got real, real anxious when daddy started moving the luggage outside and they realized they weren't coming. But after a few quick hugs, I left the tail-waggers behind and snap, a couple minutes later I was at Misawa Airport (small town), only to realize, d'oh...that I'd gotten to the airport at like 0840 for a flight that left at 1000. This isn't the states folks, there were no lines, no waiting. Nope the efficient Japanese has me all set in minutes. So I waited. And it wouldn't be the first time for the trip. Its drizzling and overcast and generally crappy outside, and I wonder if the plane will be on time. HA! No delays here.

The flight to Tokyo's domestic airport, Haneda, was uneventful, I was snoozing most of the way. Got off the plane, our bags showed up in minutes, and then we (I am traveling with another service member, he's active duty and his name is Seth) hit up the little automated machine for our bus pass to Japan's international airport - Narita. Of course, it is about 40 or so minutes away. And guess what? It's raining here too. The weather is even crappier than in Misawa.

Well, we get to Narita and it is between 1300-1400....I forget the exact time, forgive me. So I glance at our itinerary. Oh, good lord. the Flight to San Fran doesn't leave until 1800! So its a 6+ hour lay-over, from start to finish. Aiya...so what to do? What else? Go to McDonalds! It is easily the busiest food joint in the airport. In retrospect, it was not the greatest decision, as I don't often eat greasy fast food. The burger and fries tasted great going down, but that "full feeling" sorta expanded into that "bloated" feeling after a little while. Anyway, washed the McD's down with a white vanilla frappuccino from Starbucks (the second busiest stop in Narita).

What's that you ask? don't I like to sleep on planes. Hell yeah I do. So why drink coffee before a flight? Because the GD flight was over 4 hours away from commencing. That's why. So we make our way through security, again, fast, efficient and perhaps most important: informative, with little placards and announcements running to inform travelers what they needed to do: have passport ready, take out laptops, etc - that sorta thing.


And things couldn't have been more different after we landed at San Francisco International. Granted I don't think San Fran should really be the first city for someone to visit when returning to the states from a long absence. Why is that? Because like many cross-Ocean passengers the first place I wanted to visit after clearing customs was the restroom...and to my unmitigated surprise, what little facility is available for fellas inside the men's room?

A bio-waste hazard needle recycle bin. What else?

I mean what the fuck? Little bins for the intravenous drug-users on travel? First off how the fuck does a heroin addict afford a plane ticket. Second...why the hell is the local government providing tacit assistance to this shit? I figure it has to do with the anti-A.I.D.S. efforts, but you know what, if you're using a needle in your drug habit...you're way beyond what I might condone. This isn't for the dude who occasional smokes some dope on the weekend. This is assistance to hard-core drug addicts.

But that is a rather minor quibble compared to the wonders that awaits travelers as the TSA Security Checkpoints. First off, nothing makes a U.S. citizen feel more at home than being sneered at as they make their way through the security line. Returning servicemember, businessman or housewife on vacation; everyone got the same look from the TSA folks. It is hard to describe...but I think the most apt description is that TSA agents looked at travelers the same way you or I might look at our bottom of our shoes after stepping in dogshit.

Gee how I love America.

The Domicile

I've been here in Japan for a number of months now without ever appropriately introducing the place we in which we live. Now I cannot say that I've got a top of world-class photos to share with you all. But, I will share some of the photos I finally downloaded of our place.
Above it the view of our house (it extends to the next house to the right of the picture). Entrance is gained via the garage. Inside it the family truckster, a Nissan Stagea (all sorts of car brands out here in Japan that you never hear of in the states). The good news, the sun rises in the East (duh) - which is to the left in the photo, so, there is very little direct sunlight on our bedroom (the window pictured is our "Master Suite" - ahem) in the morning. And trust me when the GD sun is rising at 0400, that is a good thing. Below: how to know its our house, look for the dachshund sign in the window
Below: our alley. For reference, I turned to my right after taking the first shot, and snapped a photo of the alley. Its an intermingled community. Our next door neighbors, with whom I've only ever really exchanged a few greetings, grunts and nods, are Japanese. But many on the street are not. (note the car sticking out on the right front. That is mine, its a Toyota Carina and I know, you've never heard of that brand either). It spend most of its time in our car port about 20 feet or so down the alley.
Below: a view of the cloudy sky and our "view" from standing in the garage and looking the "other" way in the alley. Note the incredibly sturdy fence we have to ensure that nothing falls into the sunken rice field between us and the Nissan dealership (the blue building). Also note that "McMansions" have crossed the pond. Its actually a very recognizable landmark here in Misawa (the giant gated mansion - there's only one)....The owner has quite the car collection as well. Could be the local Pachinko baron.

Well that's it for now. Next up, the Eagles have a cool new website to celebrate their 75th anniversary and some god-awful fugly throwback uniforms to go along with it. That'll be posted soon. And after that, its bath time for the doggies and maybe some interior shots.

There's goes THAT Secret

If they didn't know it already, its a decent bet that the Chinese now possess classified information on the U.S. Aegis radar/defense system. Why? Our good buddies the Japanese, specifically a Japanese naval NCO.

Some blurbs: Kanagawa Prefectural Police found floppy disks containing data on the Aegis destroyer's radar system and transmission frequencies in the home of a Maritime Self-Defense Force sailor during a probe of his Chinese wife on suspicion of violating the immigration law, investigative sources said Friday. As the petty officer second class is not in a position that gives him access to Aegis data, police suspect another MSDF member gave him the information, the sources said. OK, so this doesn't PROVE much. But you know what....Military planners can no longer rely on the idea that the secret of Aegis is safe. Now, I know, most of the time they do not on rely on such information, nobody PLANS around that. But I tell you what, a huge advantage enjoyed by the U.S. Navy would go bye-bye should any adversary obtain the technical specs and then devise a way to defeat the system. (sigh).

OH, and I left out a different lurid detail. Evidently the secret data was leaked because Japanese Petty officers were swapping porn files at work.

Working from Home

Well I've got a bit of work lately from my old contracting company. It lets me work from my "home office/Eagles shrine" here in Japan for my old/new boss back in Hawaii.

I've really put the pedal to the metal this past week, and as such, having been posting a lot less on the forums and here. Whew. I tell you what, put in 12 hours today. Unreal, I am so sick of looking at this HDTV (that I use as my monitor). I had my coffee, breakfast, and dinner right here in front of the computer as I banged away on a project. About the only thing I got done - other than a shitload of work - was taking the boys for a walk.

I want to finish this project tomorrow, and I have a car (oil change for the Stagea) appt. and I definitely need to hit the gym as well. So I probably won't start until the afternoon (was click-clackin' away at 0800 today, didn't call a halt until 2230. Yeah I know that's 14.5 hours, but I DID take some breaks - I'm not that stupid.

The work will slacken after this week, and I will definitely have something to talk about if the Eagles 2nd visit with FA Safety Mike Doss actually occurs (he slated to go to Minnesota today, and Philly on Wednesday. He might never makes the trip - if Minn. is smart).

Postcards from Misawa

It has come to my attention that I have pretty abjectly failed to post or share very many pictures of my situation here Misawa. Well, I've decided to rectify that.

I will be taking more photos of the local landscape et al over the coming weeks. To be honest the majority of the 80-odd pics we have so far are of the "boys." I don't think we've ever taken out the camera without taking pics of Zaar and/or DJ.

So without further ado:these are photos of the view out the "back"
And here are couple of the boys (told ya)

enjoying a bit of Sun....and getting a real treat, getting to lick the tupperware we used for the meat on "Taco night":

Rest Assured Murphy's Law is Alive and Well in Japan

Yes my fellow Americans, I tested out the question as too whether or not Mr. Murphy had an office here in the Far East. And I groan to inform you, that indeed he does.

How did I accomplish this feat? Why, by using the time-tested wash-the-car method. I tell you what folks, I should have skipped the hassle, and not even bothered to dry the car two days ago.....I mean I might as well have donned a buckskin loincloth, feathered headdress and chanted out a rain-dance while beating on a drum out in the alley (now that woulda been a sight for my Japanese neighbors).

Cause pow, I got that afternoon of clear weather, Murphy called up the storm clouds overnight and it rained for a good two days (not straight, like the rainy season, but off and on most the day). So not only has Murphy established a Tokyo office, he's instilled a Japanese work ethic in his evil little leprechauns of mischief.

How do I know this? You see, I work from home. There are days when I don't go out, the car doesn't leave it sheltered spot. But if I stay inside too long, I get a little batty, so I will find somewhere to go (usually the base). Such was the case yesterday. So, I weathered the first day of rain (which scored by hitting the wife's station wagon - which I had also washed), but in a stunning display of Japanese-like efficiency, Mr. Murphy kept his boys on the job until it was complete, scoring a hit on the ole Toyota when I traveled into base to work out (when I left it was clear, by the time I made it to base, it was already drizzling - DAMMIT - they're good)

I wonder...

You know, on a normal day, a lot of things strike me at odd. Sometimes oddly wonderful, sometime oddly annoying, sometimes just downright odd....

SO here a few of the things I think are odd today...
Ran across this YouTube blurb that reveals Ann Coulter basically calling a Democratic candidate for President John Edwards a fag. Its a nicely worded barb, but the thing is...I didn't see any humor in her when she said it, and that's what bothers me. Of course, if there enough of a stir she'll do the rounds and perform a dismissive mea culpa; and probably without pausing to draw another breath tell us all to get over it. Look, I don't give a crap about this stuff for the most part, but its the sort of mean-spirited polarizing commentary that has really disaffected many voters. You want to claim its a joke making a parody of the overly-sensitive nature of our society (thanks to liberal pussies no doubt) by throwing a reference to the black guy from Grey's Anatomy who had to go to "rehab" for calling a co-worker a "faggot" that is fine, but watch the clip...I don't see any dark humor behind her eyes, like I might with an actual comedienne.

Oh well, how about this story about a U.S. expert on Russia Intelligence getting shot in his driveway just days after appearing on Dateline NBC and claiming the Russian government has a underground campaign to silence critics of Vladimir Putin. Ummm, guess its not so underground anymore....

Talk about a Japanese two-step, I haven't a politician dance like a cat on a hot tin roof this well since William J.
On Thursday, Japan's PM Shinzo Abe said "The fact is, there is no evidence to prove there was coercion." He was referring to the Japan's abuse of hundreds of thousands of women during World War II, when the Imperial Army furnished what were known as "comfort women" for its troops abroad.
Today his special advisor was jumping through his ass to control the damage. "Though there are many definitions of coercion, Prime Minister Abe has said ... that he will stand by the Kono statement,'' said Hiroshige Seko, special adviser in charge of Abe's public relations, referring to a 1993 statement issued by then Chief Cabinet Secretary Yohei Kono apologizing to the victims of sex slavery. The Kono statement also acknowledged many women were forced into prostitution and that the military government was involved in some cases.

Bettering International Relations with Bodychecks

Ok, before I get started a disclaimer: there were no little Japanese ladies harmed by the actions depicted in this story.

To set the stage, my wife Christina was working the night of the NIOC Misawa Christmas Party, but she insisted on buying me a ticket to get me out of the house. I figured it would a pretty sweet free meal (and I was right). The Christmas dinner was held on the Officers' side (read: "good") of the collocated club here in Misawa and the food was excellent (even though you only got one pass the buffet line...that's un-American!) while the cheese-cake deserts (prepared by a wife of one of the chiefs) were fantastic. There was a mountain of door prizes (your faithful reporter here did not manage to win any of those) and schedule for the night included a social hour, opening remarks, dinner and then games....the entertainment committee had come up with some games for us to play and break up the monotony of simply giving away prizes (which include a big-screen TV, XBOX360, PSPs, iPods, furniture, etc....good stuffs).

There were several tables for our Japanese guests from Misawa town, base, and from the nearby Oirase Town. They were centrally located near the front, which playing a factor in this story. As does the numbering arrangement of said table. My ticket was for table 7 which was all Navy Chiefs ('cept for me and the other spouses). There were 20 tables, but the number turned out to be mere window-dressing because the table were arranged in a completely haphazard order ....it didn't start at 1 and follow numerical order, I suspect they gave the table labels to a dyslexic Japanese child and let him run amok. So anyway our table 7 was locating in the back left corner (is looking out from the stage area), I think we two tables nearest to up were 3 and 15...but the thing to remember is that I was stuck in the rear with the gear so to speak and really is only important in the context of why a little old Japanese lady would go SPLAT later on in the evening....which leads me back to the post-dinner games...

First up was who can stuff the most marshmallows in their mouth" - our chief (re-pete, there are two chiefs named Peter....the first is Pete, the second re-Pete) held his own for a long time, but eventually his saliva turned the 'mellos into a gunky white glue..and he could no longer manage to say "Happy Holidays" so he was eliminated.

Then came the "dress someone up as Santa" and we had the perfect canidate...Master Chief Browning's husband (a retired Master Chief himself) had the rosy cheeks, the beard, the glasses....he was the clear favorite, but we all got submarined by table 5, who dressed up a baby as Santa. The CO went all "aw-shucks" on us and blam, we lost the second game...

More prizes were slowly going off the board and yes, like I said, I missed out on the iPods, the XBOX 360, the gift certificates, but you know I don't need any of that stuff, already got plenty of electronic gear)....and then the moment of truth arose....

"Scavenger hunt" was announced, and about 20 chairs were lined up on the stage at the front of the room. The chiefs all turn to look at me (most with sadistic evil grins) and go "NEW GUY"...get up there...Their advice: take no prisoners, you gotta win this for us, be aggressive...well, OH-KAY....I really try to not turn on the competitor in me...sometimes its not fun and isn't this supposed to a family affair? Well the rules get explained: they'll call out an item, you've got 30 seconds to find it and return to a seat, and anyone in the room can help you (of course only those at your table have any inclination to do so). So there I am sitting at the front of packed room of folks, most of whom probably don't know me from Adam and I here them belt out the first item: "Government driver's license" and its ON....I am blast between tables toward the back of the room, snatch a DL from a table-mate and do a frenzied bob-n-weave back to the stage. Where I find out that they sneakily removed at least 1 chair. Ok, so I've got this, speed is of the essence...

Next up: Lighter, check....non-govt. pen, check....man things are cruising....I've got a little path worked out to zip to the back of the room and grab the necessary time from a table of ready, prepared chiefs....others tables are dropping out, either because their table was il-equipped (the lighter zapped like 5 contestants, guess all that "Don't start smoking crap really works, cause there were very few smokers outside of the Japanese) or because they couldn't get back to the stage in time....

Family photo presents a minor problem, none of the Chiefs are there ready to hand me one....augh, time is halfway gone....I snatch my own wallet out my coat and race back the stage...flashing the Christmas photo of Christina, Zaar, DJ and I...at first the dude is like: that's not a family photo, but I doth protest, that my wife and two boys right there I tell him...you can't penalize me for not having kids! That wins the day and I can continue...oh the fates were not on your side little Japanese lady...

The field is really getting pared down, there maybe 8 of us left and then it comes...NAIL CLIPPER is called (30 seconds!) and off I go. I've got this path down pat....back to the table (25 seconds)...oh no, Mr. Browning is having trouble getting it off his key chain (20 sec). He's fumbling with it, time is running down and then POP! off it comes, I snatch it out of his hands (15 sec) and turn to race back...there's a logjam in the way, I've got squeeze past a dude...(10 sec) and then the way opens up, I accelerate past the second row of tables come between the first row of table right in front the dance-floor/stage area. I see a clear path to an empty seat, but there is a little black mass to the left...no prob....weave right....it moves right...jump cut to the right....no dice...BLAM!!! little black mass crumples to the floor (turned out to be a little Japanese lady in a black dress) and I go down in a flying heap flat out on my stomach in the middle of the dance floor, just a few, tantalizing feet from the second to last chair....I glance back and she the crumpled lump is actually a small woman on her knees, but there is no time for sympathy...Letting nothing deter me from victory...I scramble up--leaving Fujiko-san to wonder where the American godzilla who just ran her over went--and snag my rightful seat with 2 seconds left...(you know in my imagination I pictured myself, gracefully trying to weave my around the lady, like Fred Aistare, only to get caught up by a shoelace or something...in reality I am sure it probably looked closer to something out of a Ben Stiller "meet the fockers" sequel: with a giant 200lb American in a slow-mo, yawning roar giving the little lady a forearm shiver directly between the shoulder blades to knock her out of the way....)

We had a time-out after that....she was a trooper, and shook off the contact, got a quick round of applause and though chagrinned, I was ready to resume the chase. I made it through one more item (Florida drivers' license) before our table got knocked out by the ubiquitous "eye-glasses case"....(damn lasik surgery, none of us had glasses on anymore).

I talked with her after our table got knocked out and she was exceedingly gracious...."Don't you worry about me, I shouldn't have been there...I'm ok"....So no international incident arose, and I am sure that she'll have a story to tell her grandkids...cause I've already gone down in NIOC Misawa lore....I guess the command master chief went into work, ostensibly to see the shift-workers...I think its because he wanted to tell Christina was had happened...

I hope I'm invited next year...

The Itty-Bitty Tsunami Committee

So we just finish watching Lucky Number Slevin and turn on regular TV, and what do we see? A Today show graphic showing Japan, with the northern-most island of Hokkaido highlighted as the site of a major earthquake, with them talking about potential tidal waves hitting northern Japan...

We did in fact get hit by a tsunami (well the coastline did...remember Hachinohe and my blog about adventures at the DMV? Well that's port city, we're at least 20-30 minutes away from the ocean...)....five tsunamis in fact, none more than 16 inches in height.

Whew...

A Chaotic Day in Japan: Computers, Cat food and FedEx, oh my!

Unfortunately, my wife's Sony VAIO may have gone to that big computer hard drive in they sky. It won't boot up anymore, not even in safe mode...just locked in a cycle of reboots...never seen anything like it...working fine...dead....needless to say last night was a bit dramatic. I think we'll get through it, but my wife's days as a Windows person are number, I think this family is heading for its first Mac...which makes sense given how much Christina love her iPod and iTunes. But that was the end of the day.

The beginning was a bit less frustrating. Someone my wife is responsible for entered the country, over the weekend, and was shipping herself some things....turns out in addition to some book and reference materials the woman shipped was she described as "Chinese Medicine." Nothing perks up a Japanese custom agent quite like potentially banned substances from China (unless its potentially banned substances from North Korea). Evidently this woman wrote out each and every item she put in the box, so now Christina has to get the list translated into Japanese so that the FedEx folks in Tokyo can determine if it allowed in the country.

Then we went to base to run a few errands. Its raining, semi-cold and the wind is gusting to like 45mph, but we brave the inclement weather and dash around several areas, pickup some uniform alterations, check mail, shop at the exchange/commissary. One interesting note, base roads (and some in town) are now lined with 4-foot reflective poles...this is let drivers know where the edges of the roadways are for when it snows....Four foot poles???!!! JHC....what are we in for? aiya....

Anyway we get home and unload all the groceries, and its time to put away the dog's food (Christina has to run back into the BX and buy it cause the commissary doesn't carry Eukaneuba (the boys' favorite)). So we have this storage container, to keep their food fresh....the bags are "easy tear", so whoosh goes the top and in pours the food...only its this tiny, nibble-sized food...guess what it is? CAT FOOD! So I guess the big cat on the front of the bag should've clued us in, but it didn't....the funny thing, D.J. went to town on that shit...that boy LOVES cat food...I dunno if its good for them, but it hasn't hurt....I say frig it...let'em eat it this once...

So There I was barrelling through downtown Hachinohe

Just got done with (get this) our Misawa Indoc this past week...so after being here for a month we were given tours of the base, surrounding town, etc...HA HA HA...that's really helpful...since we'd already stumbled our way through finding just about everything they showed us (and more)...

The most interesting part was Friday, it was day trip to the largest nearby city: Hachinohe (pronounced HA-CHIN-O-HEY) hachi is Japanese for eight, so the city's name means 8 windows (I think)...I didn't go on the tour bus so I didn't the "benefit" of the vast knowledge of the tour guide because a) riding on buses makes me nauseas if done for a long time and b) I wanted the benefit of driving there myself so I could get my bearings locally and figure out how to drive there myself...Before I tell you why THAT turned out to be a farce, I would like to discuss what I consider to be a generally standard rule for tours: the guides should know more than the guests. Christina (who was on the bus) informs me that her and friend Allen spent most the bus ride correcting the tour guide, both on information and pronunciation.

As for WHY my plan to learn how to go to Hachinohe disintegrated from the start: its this...instead of taking the direct route the bus drivers took THE MOST screwball goat-path way to Hachinohe. I lost track after the 12th turn and resigned myself to simply having to tail the buses.

First stop was the Fish Market: which was pretty cool, we got some salted salmon and that made for a very tasty dinner last night. We didn't spend much time there, but one thing that was new to me...that the crabs at the market are alive...kept on ice that just makes them sluggish...

Next we went to the Train Station (the Bullet Train stops at Hachinohe...Misawa is too backwater to warrant a stop) and the most sacred Shinto shrine in the Aomori Prefecture...(which was pretty cool)...Of course, topping the list of things the tour guides told us at the shrine was the cost of the Shrine's souvenirs...hey even monks gotta earn a few yen here and there...But we learned how to make a prayer offering at the shrine and how to ritually cleanse ourselves before entering, so that was pretty neat.

Finally we made our way to the big mall in big H....this required driving through downtown and that turned out to be the most entertaining part of the day (for me at least)...completely lost, not a clue as to where I was, roaring through the crowded downtown of a Japanese city trying to stay glued to the bumper of a military green USAF school bus. Let me tell you one thing, there ain't nothing quite like barrelling through red lights in a foreign city (if the bus ran the light, I ran the light, and the driver seemingly was not detered by whatever color the light happened to be when we approached). I just knew that if I lost the bus I was hosed. (Japanese traffic lights are pretty long, not as long as Korean lights, but long enough that if you stop there is a good chance you won't catch up with whoever is in front of you again for a while).

Approximating the Take-off Velocity for a Wiener Dog

Never seen anything quite like this...it has been raining...no, its been POURING since about 12 noon yesterday (Friday afternoon our time)....its now nearly noon on Saturday and neither the wind nor the rain has let up one iota...The winds are "Chicago-style" and its a good thing dachshunds are built low to the ground, because whenever they venture outside their ears flap so fast it looks like they are preparing for flight. I am not sure our backyard has adequate space for a weiner dog to achieve take-off velocity, but they looked darn close.

Look, it would be one thing if the rain let up every once-in-a-while, but I haven't seen rain dump out of the sky like this for so long and in such tremendous amounts...I half expect to see a little Japanese Noah out building a wooden ship in one of the rice we pass on the way to base...

No wonder all the faucets here in Misawa jet water out like their connected directly to fire hydrants. I think Japan could improve relations with China by exporting some of this water to the parched Chinese.

As of course the weather if playing hell with the satellite, so its look like a Battlestar Galactica on DVD Saturday....

THe good news: the rain should be gone by Monday morning, and AFN is showing both NFC East games this week...so it'll be "up at 0130" for me again...

You ain't seen bureaucracy until you've visited Japan's DMV

Ok folks, its official, I can no longer criticize the stifling slowness and bureaucratic stupidity of any State-side Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) office...(Ok, I guess I still could, but the reasons would be different)...

Well this morning I was introduced to the Japanese DMV as I traversed some twists and turns in registering our "new" Nissan Stagea (think station wagon) in our name...the closest DMV to Misawa Airbase is about 40 minutes outside base, in the city of Hachinohe. So we got there shortly after 9am, and the parking lot was pleasantly empty...a good sign, or so I thought.

Well all of my wife and I's preparatory work (getting the insurance, and the all the proper forms from the base police) did pay off somewhat...

Hachinohe's DMV works something like this:

Step 1: enter and go to Window 2 (I didn't see a Window #1, but there might have been one)...turn in paperwork to clerk, uttering traditional morning greeting Ohayo (pronounced O-hio) followed by a series of grunts and nods and pointing the stack of papers to confirm with him that yes, you are indeed there to perform some sort of DMV-related task and hoping that he can figure out what you need without any other sort of formal conversation...

Step 2: wait..about 5-10 minutes later the clerk will return the sheaf of paperwork to you. You may now proceed to step 3

Step 3: the clerk grunts and points at map on the counter, you eventually interpolate this as instructions to go to Window 12 (note: saying "twelve" to the clerk will be a nodding return grunt of something that resembles the English pronunciation of twelve, at least this lead clerk remembered some of his high school English)

Step 4: Finding Window 12...which is in, of course, an entirely different building, conveniently located directly behind the building you entered first...exit, wander around back and look around for something labeled 12...its easy to find...step up to Window 12...and proceed with the next step.

Step 5: Handover sheaf of paperwork to the woman working at Window 12, which is named the "Application forms window"...repeat the greeting/grunting/nodding ritual performed during Step 1. Hang loose for the next step, practice finding your zen.

Step 6: wait...about 15-30 minutes later, the clerk will wave you back and kindly slip you two receipts, and all of your paperwork (which apparently has been dutifully shuffled between the half-dozen or so workers sitting behind the counter at various desks. She then shows you a calculator that reads out about 2,800 Yen (that slightly less than $28 to you and me)...time to pay up...hope you remembered your Yen...once you get your change you are instructed to return to Window 2.

Step 7: Re-trace steps back to Window 2, and hand-over the receipts that confirm you've paid the fee for all the forms the Japanese are consuming while shuffling your registration request between the two buildings...

Step 8: wait...about 10-15 minutes later you will be waved back to Window 2 and given a screw-driver...your instructions: remove your old Japanese plates and turn them in to Window 14.

Step 9: take off your plates, and wander around to the back of the second building again and turn in your plates...you are given a receipt that says you've turned in your plates (no real words are needed here, just a nod or two and a "domo" or "domo arigato") and instructed that it is time, once again, to visit Window 2...

Step 10: Trek back to the first building, clutching receipts and dutifully turn them in to the waiting clerk (its helps if you catch when he's not busy helping another client...cause the morning is getting on and more and more Japanese are showing up to shuttle their way between buildings)..note: DO NOT return the screw-driver you need that later...

Step 11: Wait...5-15 minutes afterward the clerks will again summon you forth with a head nod and a slight grin (afterall, at this point the two of you are practically on a first-grunt basis) for your next expedition to building 2.
Your mission is two-fold: venture to Window 16 and pay your Road Tax...and shimmy over to Window 14 to buy your new plates.

Step 12: Trudge to Window 16...and get pointed (very politely pointed) over to Window 15, whereat you grunt your paperwork over to another very attentive clerk, who will reef through your hefty stack of papers, stamping some in blue and others in red. No need to sit, this guy is a stamping-demon, and will quickly finish adorning every piece of paper you have with some form of very official looking stamp. Next, you guessed it, a very polite instruction for you to turn right and shuffle over to Window 16, where...

Step 13: You will turn in the stamped sheets, and be given a calculator with a figure on it...be prepared to cough up more Yen to pay whatever this figure is...In my case, the Road Tax on our Nissan was 7,900 Yen (or about $79 to you staties)....you are then instructed (extremely politely) to have a seat.

Step 14: wait...you may not know it yet, but your DMV journey is nearing its end-game...in about 5 minutes you will be given whatever change is due and handed back your paperwork...its time to complete the second part of the mission: new plates...

Step 15: trundle on over to Window 14 (the same one you got your receipt from earlier), perform the standard grin-n-grunt and show the clerk all your colorfully stamped paperwork...rest assured you need not know which one she needs to see...she'll recognize it, even if you don't....grab a seat

Step 16: wait...less than 5 minutes later you will be summoned back to Window 14 and shown a calculator...you know the drill by now...cough up whatever amount of Yen happens to be necessary to get the clerk to fork over your damn plates....should be about 1,550 Yen (you know how much that is?? Well I ain't sayin', perform some deductive reasoning and figure it out.) The clerk will hand you a little baggie that has 4 new screws and small silver circular open-top tab (note: this circular tab is extremely important as it apparently plays some mystical role in Japanese DMV history, so DON'T discard it!!!)

Step 17: Return back out front (you do remember where you parked, right?) and use the screw-driver you remembered to keep to put your hard-won plates on your car....Are you done? Can you get in and drive away, after at least 2 hours and 3 payments and tons of grunts and domos?

Not until you've completed the final step:

Step 18: Look up from the kneeling position as you finish screwing in the final screw on the back plate (note: make sure the silver circular tab is on the top left of the back plate) and you should see a golden aura surrounding a little Japanese woman who is trundling busily out to your car....When she gets there she will ask (extremely politely) for you to pop the hood, will verify your VIN number, and only then, will apply a silver cover to the circular tab you've dutifully put on the upper left of the back plate (which apparently is the final act to all vehicularly-associated rituals here in Japan)....and THAT IS IT FOLKS....You have completed your DMV initiation...you are now a registered car owner in Japan...all you have to do now, is return to the Base police and get the completely disinterested Senior Airman to pay attention to you so you can get your base-pass issued....but THAT is another story.

One final note: the pain of this process is ameliorated greatly by the incredible and unending courtesy that the Japanes extend towards all their customers at all times...Unlike a US-related experience, wherein disinterested people look at you like they do when inspecting the soles of their shoes for dogshit....

Chiming in from the Opposite Side of the World

Wow, folks, its been a couple of weeks, and I was in no mood to blog after the Eagles blew that game versus the GYNts...I mean I would've had to write a horror script for that game to turn out like that....I don't want to think about it.

I hope this cements in their minds that they can never take their proverbial foot off the gas...Hear that Andy? No more letting up, crush your opponents and hear the lamentation of de women...alright?? No more Mr. Nice guy....you better hand the 49ers their lunch, dinner and a midnight snack...got it??? GOOD

So anyways, my blog took a hit because I am now in JAPAN!!!!
Believe that sh*t? Sometimes its hard for me too. BLogging about the Eagles from Hawaii was goofy enough, but from cold Misawa Airbase? Unreal.

I will be posting some photos of our Japanese style house (we gotta live off base) and detailing some of the oddities about living at the beginning of each day....Like how games that start at 1PM EST come on TV at 2AM Monday morning here in the Land of the Rising Sun. Last games are a bit better...for instance, tomorrow's game versus the Niners starts at 0500. I just hope we don't have to do anything before 8AM cause it will be hard for me to leave before the game is over.

And just how will I be watching it? Hmmm, I think it will have to be by Webcam. Armed Forces Network does a decent job of broadcasting games, (the one cool thing, they show the top match-ups from each conference both early AND late) So it like having each network show a doubleheader every weekend, instead of every other....The bad part: no way to guarantee that I will see the Iggles...AUGH...that it what the webcam is for. I will have my dad point it at the TV so I at least get to see something. Plus I should get to listen to Merril do the local play-by-play.

More later, don't have a steady ISP yet, so cannot guarantee consistent posts...yet....

The Move has begun

Hey everyone,

My primary computer is now boxed up and on a slow-boat to Japan, so my ability to rant about the Eagles will be constrained over the next few weeks as we transition to the Far East. Once I get settled, I will continue, but I don't expect to be able to post more than a few blogs a week until then...oh well, I know you are all vastly disappointed.

Now for some Eagles news: as predicted Bruce Perry was NFL'd this week, our starting CB Lito Sheppard has a sprained ankle, so the Eagles needed to sign another CB....the RB to CB move obviously wasn't going to work, so the Eagles brought back Dexter Wynn, a 2004 - 6th rounder, who has some return skills....good cause I don't want to see Westbrooks shagging punts anymore...sorry... electrifying player and all, but I would rather see him taking swing passes than having some special team suicide warrior barreling down the field taking a free shot on our most dangerous offensive weapon.

I was happily surprised that LB Matt McCoy had a real good game against the Texans....Now he gets a real test...the GYNts are a good team, and kill us with screens to Tiki, I would love to see McCoy submarine a few of those plays....that would go a long way towards making me feel better about our LB situation.

Catch y'all later, should have some more time to think tomorrow, as I am done with work, yeah that's right, on my last couple weeks of paid leave (get paid through the end of the month, which is sweet....after that its unpaid leave until I find a new job, which isn't so sweet).