Weirdness in Big D

First a question.
Here is photo of Dallas' newest head assistant offense coordinator coach, something or other. Nobody seems particularly sure what job title owner Jerry Jones plans to anoint unto him...
but I have a question...indulge me and imagine big tassle of curly hair on top there..and doesn't it look an awful lot like the Cowboys just hired this man?You decide....

And when you can a plethora of coaching positions to fill, including the penultimate one - HEAD COACH, why would you hire an underling first? Is he your HC or your OC, and if he's just going to be a coordinator, NOW you've got to find a head coach that doesn't mind the fact that you've already gone about and found yourself an OC that'll run the type of offense the OWNER wants...doesn't that effectively hamstring the incoming HC...honestly?

Why doesn't Jerry Jones just appoint himself Head Coach? The illusion that the HC of the Cowboys would really be calling the shots while he the owner was blown away last year...JJ wanted "his man" - MEO - and his Hall of Fame Coach be damned. He got his guy, and watched his team wallow once again...

Any incoming head coach - and my money is on Wade Phillips, San Diego's Def. Coordinator to attempt to optimize Dallas' under-achieving 3-4 - faces a tough, tough situation. They'd better push all the right buttons, cause if not, young-master Garrett can just tune him out...after all, JJ has just publicly shown everyone that JG is HIS Offensive guy...Moreover, knowing that, how is the HC supposed to handle his #1 prima donna, MEO? The dude will be walking on eggshells...Andy Reid's "handle everything with in-house" didn't work, tough-guy Bill Parcells, "I ain't dealing with your bullshit" approach didn't work...What to do you think MEO's first reaction to a Def-minded HC will be when the guy tries to assert his authority....I think it might go something like this: "Get your ass back to the defense." The worst part is MEO knows he can get away with it...he did all his antics, and JJ wanted him back, he spouted all his crap, caused distraction after distraction, but none of it was HIS fault...

I cannot believe I am about to type this, but I think I might actually feel sorry for the schmuck unto whom Jerry Jones bestows the title: Head Coach. He's going to be like a eunuch guarding the harem....finally right in the center of all the action and stripped of the balls needed to do anything about it....

The Jackass Brays Again

Think MEO will miss Bill Parcells? Think it didn't factor into the Tuna's decision leave $5 million on the table to bail out on the Cowboys? Think again...

Check out this article documenting MEO's reported remarks to the DFW press.

My favorite bits: "T.O. reportedly said that Parcells created an unhealthy locker room environment, claiming the legendary coach would sometimes not talk to him for months. What more, Parcells did not offer Owens any words of encouragement following his accidental overdose." Typical not-my-fault MEO...

Then theres: "T.O. also suggested that there was a feeling of disorganization within the ranks. 'You don't know who is doing what,' Owens said. 'You don't know who is calling plays. That is why our offense was up and down. You saw that at the end of the year. It filtered off. We as a team felt the frustration. I felt the frustration. But Bill is Bill.' " Well well well, more Bill bashing...I wonder if Dallas fans are sick of this shit yet?

And finally: "I was underutilized in the offense," Owens said. Oh how rich...MEO leads the team in receiving (and the league in drops) and the fault with the O is they didn't use him enough....um, MEO, there are OTHER skill players in uniform on each play....You may not know their names (Glenn, Witten, Jones, Barber, Crayton), but they need to be given opportunities as well. I'd bet that the Dallas offense tried to feature MEO more than any other offense player on the roster and it STILL wasn't enough to satisfy Herr Ego...

Have fun Big D, you deserve every second of this misery for hiring the douchebag knowing full well he was a cancer...

Dallas-haters Rejoice: The Fuse is Lit

Hark! What doth mine eyes and ears observe this morning but a classic look-at-me tirade from Terrell Owens in today's Dallas Star-Telegram. The bum truly deserves the ME.O. moniker Those more forgiving than I might be tempted to overlook MEO's history, but I would caution those optimistic souls to not pin their hopes on the stability of footballs most narcissistic player. Before the season I calculated that MEO would give the Cowgurls one good season before imploding...so much for that one...

Now, those of us who follow the Eagles are being treated to an eerie deja-vu...MEO divulging his frustration to the local press..."I do have a problem when I don't feel like I'm involved enough. I know I can make a difference. That's not me being arrogant. (that's rich) I just know what I bring to the table." For those keeping count MEO just bolted out eight references to himself in just four little lines....no mention of the team....oops that's right...the M and the E are missing because now they are in "MEO"

I do have to saw, it IS more entertaining this time around...I about blew Diet Coke bubble out my nose when I listen to MEO yap on NFL Live this afternoon...

Word up Big D fans, the fuse to the powderkeg that is Owens has been lit...the ONLY thing left to determine is when it will go off. I can only hope that the Texans somehow speed the process along (don't think it'll happen, but wouldn't that be grand?)

An Instant Classic - Its MEO's Party

This is an instant classic on YouTube...(no wonder Google bought it...its practically a license to print money)...especially for anyone who still has any doubts about that MEO is a cancer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YwYVbSMVEM

I will REALLY be rooting for the Texans this week. I don't expect they'll be able pull off an upset in Irving...but wouldn't it be sweet to see some more stompin' and hootin'...like some sort of mutant line dance in Big D.

The Ultimate Apologist

You know how ESPN show the "Ultimate Highlight" each Sunday ?? (which by the way should not be viewed by those with epilepsy or attention spans measured in units of time longer than milliseconds)...well I propose a new segment that ESPN can air every week during Monday Night Countdown...having Michael Irvin be the "Ultimate Apologist"...a weekly chronicle for the former, most accomplished, drug-loving Cowboy wide receiver to make excuses for the current, most notorious, pill-popping Cowboy wide receiver's behavior.

Irvin actually defends 81 for yelling at teammates on the sidelines, saying "someone needs to say something"....but is it MEO's job to be person to get in the face of the O-line or the WR coach. ummm, as a fan who experienced the MEO erosion of team unity, the answer is an EMPHATIC NO

So let me offer up a hearty laugh at MEO's "I'm not here to point fingers" comment that came right after he threw Bledslow under the bus for his horrendous performance yesterday.

Here is an excerpt from MEO post-game PC: "You watched the game. Who's pulling the trigger? I'm just out there doing my job. I'm not trying to point fingers at anybody, but you guys know just as well as I know." Bledsoe, Parcells, and the Cowboys faithful better get real used to those sorts of snide, back-handed insinuations.

This Sums up MEO's day

Breaking down MEO's Impact on the Cowgurls

MEO, the ex-Eagle wide receiver for whom I otherwise use the He-who-shall-not-be-named moniker, could be an awesome addition to the Cowboys offense. That is IF Bill Parcells is willing to feed MEO's ego and call about 15 MEO-first passing plays a game (like the Eagles did)...

However, I have put the MEO impact on the Cowpokes some thought and used a fairly standard box chart analytical method to develop four possible scenarios. Three have negative outcomes for the Cowboys (though from perspective of this Eagles fan, that is 75% goodness rate). I used two basic criteria for this analysis: MEO is getting his stats (YES/NO); Cowboys Team is winning (YES/NO). I define "stats" as MEO getting at least 6+ catches/game (thrown to at least 12 times); having at least 3-4 100+yd receiving game by Week 7 and scoring at a rate of ~ 1TD/game.

1) MEO is getting his stats/The 'Boys are winning - this is the ONLY scenario that is all smiles for the cowpokes...This is a rehash of the Eagles 2004 season, the Cowboys ride high, cruise through some early wins, torture bad defenses, and Sportscenters has showcased at least two long MEO run-after-catch TDs; little tantrums or comments get overlooked/glossed over by winning.

2) MEO is getting his stats but the Cowboys are NOT winning: bad news here, because eventually something akin to (am I am paraphrasing here): "I'm doin' my part" will come out of the piehole beneath MEO's nose...which of course, the press will "Blow out of porportion" and "misrepresent" because obviously MEO has never before blamed other teammates for not pulling their weight...

The final two are bad because they are premised on negative answers to the is MEO getting his stats portion of the analysis.

3) MEO not getting his stats (fair due, etc)/ Cowboys winning...Even if the 'Boys are winning, MEO will NOT be happy (though I suspect he will smile and probably at least say the right things about just wanting to contribute). Look MEO is a narcissist. He has this inborn aversion to success is seems...he just cannot deal with being happy...especially if observers may be giving credit for said success to someone else...Trust me, MEO will be moderately satisified if he is credited with getting the 'Boys over the top/being the missing ingredient, what have you, but if its the 'Boys running game and D that leads to 6-2 record and people are wondering why MEO only has 2 TDs...he will not be a happy camper, I don't care how wide he flashes that big smile.

4) MEO not getting his stats/Cowboys losing...this is my personal favorite, but unfortuantely the one I think it the least likely (damn). Its all bad here folks, if MEO is not producing and the team slips up a couple of weeks, the wolves be out and all over the story like, uh, a pack of wolves...umm...white on rice...stink on poo...R. Kelley on a teen? pick your favorite mixed metaphor...

What do y'all think?