Women Like Porn?

MSN and Esquire are running this series "Things you don't know women." A variety of women have created their own personal Top 10 lists. In my own personal "everquest" to discern the mystery that is female, I took it upon myself to read this "for the rest of us" and try and find the choicest bits to share:

Alyssa Milano was pretty funny (ed. take chance to insert photo, dummy)
Good thinkin'

Well anyway, I thought that she flashed a pretty decent sense of humor, so I figured I'd repost some of her points:
1. Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a gender-wide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy. (I asked the oracle, probably true was the confirmation)

3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn. (REALLY? but I imagine having my desktop screens savers be an endless stream of XXX would grow old...maybe)

4. Women remember everything . Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. (my wife is a perfect example)

6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead.

7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team. (Blasphemy!)

8. "Hey, Melissa, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Brian Dennehy in that dress." Surprisingly good pickup line.

Charlayne Woodard (no, I've never heard of her either) has a few practical tips for guys:

3. We love a well-groomed man. Hair sticking out of the ears and nose is a turnoff. Also, long nails belong on pimps.

4. We hate it when you're talking to us on the phone and typing on your computer at the same time. No, we don't like that at all.

5. We don't consider the ear an erogenous zone.

Cheryl Hines (nope sorry, unknown) also has some funny lines. Like this one,
5. Every time we get a bikini wax, a little bit of our soul is ripped out. But you know how it feels: You go through the same thing when you get your back waxed. . . . Oh, wait a second, wrong magazine. You don't know how it feels.

Check out the links to see the entire list. And if you think this entire post was just one big excuse for me to post more Alyssa Milano photos...damn, you just might be right, so why stop at one?

Slow Day, So here's a joke

If only this were true....
Bill Gates once said a few years ago "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.