Sunday, October 05, 2008

An Open Letter to LucasArts IRT Star Wars Force Unleased

I just started playing the new Star Wars game: Force Unleashed yesterday - and wow does it make a great first impression, but I really regret to say this: it has some significant enough flaws that make me realize it deserve the OK-to-Good reviews I read online. I mean, as a pretty big Star Wars fan I figured that was either b.s. or that the game would be awesome enough for me overlooking some petty flaws.

For the most part - I was right. Playing as the Sith named Starkiller can be profoundly satisfying. But for every ultra-cool "it will never get old 'force-gripping' Jawas and flinging them through the air moment, there is an equally frustrating wonky-camera, stealthy fungi warrior stabbing you in the back because said camera doesn't track so well and flat-out GAY insta-death as your Sith/Jedi-hunter plunges into some bottomless ravine.

So developers, I have a question: who the fuck play-tested this game? Do you have any idea how frustrating it is be fighting stormtroopers on some catwalk above some bottomless abyss only to watch your hero/anti-hero Sith bad-ass walk himself off the fucking ledge because you pressed the X button (to attack the fucking goddamn stormtrooper standing right in front of you, and so he doesn't whale away at with his blaster rifle) and watch this moron Sith do some fuck-ass attack flourish that carries him over the edge and to his insta-doom???

I mean seriously?? Come the fuck on already. He's Darth FUCKING Vader's padawan, who can double-flip 30 feet in the air and jet around like he is equipped with rocket-shoes, but he can't grab onto a fucking ledge or something to keep himself from falling to his death?

This is a simple fix LucasArts: Just don't let people walk off ledges that lead to to instant death!!! I'm not saying put up some invisible wall so you can even jump all means if you want to see Starkiller flutter about in mid-air for a brief second before dying, go right ahead and press the A button, jump on out. But goddamn...It totally fucking ruins a player's sense of controlling this force-pumping, wookie/stormtrooper stomping bad-ass when you go to attack an enemy by pushing X and then wind up watching what I am sure the developers intended as a sweet finishing flourish that results in Starkiller's momentum carrying him off to a quick, falling death and an annoyingly long respawn.

I mean this morning I went from feeling like I had this ultra-bass with maxed out Force Push and Force Lightning just running around roastin' fools to feeling like I was in charge of Robbie the Down Syndrome Jedi....

IT REALLY TAKES AWAY from this game. I swear, if I had kids, they'd think Jesus' middle name was Butt-fuckin', because certain levels just have these tortuous areas where wonky camera angles and Robbie Banana-peel Shoes Starkiller combine to send waves of frustration pulsating around me. Getting back to my question about play-testing: don't you think maybe should let some normal people play-test this game every once in a while??? I mean, I in my thirties now, I don't have all day to perfect some platforming technique, I wanna control my dude, and now have to worry about what friggin' angle I'm attacking the enemy from because it might accidentally cause my own demise. These instances are not that common in the game, but when they do occur, whoa-nelly, it make one wonder about the decision-making process that applied a Vader "cannot walk off the edge of the cliff and kill himself" safety net during the Kashyyyk prologue, but then go, yeah, Starkiller? ah fuck him, if he starts an attack too close to the edge that's tough shit for him...Because a Sith warrior couldn't possibly have even self-awareness to not blunder off the side of a catwalk, could he/she? Nope, I guess not. I mean would it have been so difficult to code out a little "teeter" or a Starkiller will automatically grab the edge if he walks/does a finishing move off the edge. I mean seriously, how hard is that?

Bottom Line: The game is still pretty bad-ass, but it not as bad-ass as it SHOULD be, and you've left some stupid, correctable mistakes mar what is otherwise an extremely entertaining product.

No comments: